Thursday, February 19, 2009

Fun Stuff

So, from my previous post, all know how "lovely" my life is at the moment. I spent a great deal of "deep" conversation with my daughter on the way to school. I promised myself when I left her Dad, that there would be no more arguing, no drama. She hates it, and I hate it although, one couldn't tell that from looking at me.
We had a nice long conversation about "Independence". What it was and why it wasn't a bad thing. I told a child of why this man I let come into our lives was leaving. I told her expenses and amounts of money I paid. I asked her blatant questions like"Who works?, Who cleans? Who goes to school?" And just for shits and giggles... "Who do you see do all of this, and what does he do?" She in all her 12 year old glory had the same answers. She saw it. She was upset. I told her of her namesake. Her Great Grandmother and how she was beaten and how she survived on her own. She was appalled. I told her how she would get her own car, and have money in the bank, and not suffer or wonder how to pay her bills. Because Mom taught her how to be in dependant. I told her how I was told that was bad. And I told her how it wasn't. I told her it was her and I now (again). I told her how I wasn't doing this again. How, this is US and how it will be. And her words of wisdom was... "I knew something was wrong with him anyways."

I don't know when I'll be back on on a regular basis, as my laptop and only computer at home is leaving today. After all, I didn't buy it, it was a gift. Although, I have contributed and lost thousands, It's not an argument I wish to ensue, and I will get another one. It's better that I do, than keep the other stuff with it.

I have a house, and all furnishings with it. I have a car, and I have my baby. I need nothing more. I will update when I can, and am sad to only do this "at school" since this is totally my venting place. But... What can you do. Live and learn. AND I HAVE LEARNED!

Signing off for now...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Dear Boyfriend...

Dear Boyfriend,

When we met I thought it was very sweet how you mailed me 20 bottles of my favorite body spray they stopped making here. It was extra sweet when speaking of favorite books how I mentioned i had almost all of the collection from my favorite author, and you mailed me the ones I was missing, brand-new in hard cover with a note inside each one. I thought it was really sweet how you moved 4 states to be with me. I was very impressed when we let our daughter's meet and how you took us out to dinner, Chuck-E-Cheese, parks, go-carting, the mall, and bought them everything they desired. I enjoyed the eating dinner out for a week, and the roses. It was nice to have my gas pumped and paid for for like a week or two. The movies were nice, and so were the having my drink in your car for me when you picked me up.
I was flattered that you remembered everything about me, when we used to be friend's 8 years ago. I thought it was sweet how you had a crush on me then, and still do apparently, although I had just broke up with my boyfriend, and hated men and told you to get lost. I enjoyed the every morning Emails, and your daily note of... "You're the most beautiful, smart, and funny woman i know".

8 months later....

I am glad you moved in. Combining a teenager and a new boyfriend is easy shit. I'm also thankful for the two times you've walked out saying you can't do this because of her. I'm also glad i acted like a blubbering idiot and asked you to stay.

I love it when you think I'm still after my ex husband because we speak of my (OUR) daughter. That thrills me.

I love how I was so understanding of your lawsuit from being injured. Now, it's less than two weeks, after the FINAL date last month of the 30 days to settle portion of it. I love how you get mad when i tell you I don't count money i don't have when you speak of the new car you will buy me when this is done.

I'm happy to know that the money you had for those few weeks spoiling us rotten was all you had.

I'm also thrilled that you have a serious addiction to something most of us quit in high school.

I'm happy that you're food stamps of 170 bucks pays for all the groceries here all month. I of course never count the "We're out of this" messages constantly i get.

I'm glad I got an apartment where the landlord takes all utilities off rent if you mow the lawn, trash and stuff. Too bad he's in Florida since I moved, and I am still paying all that. Too bad, I have to ask you or remind you to do those things.

I was thrilled when you told your Mom that you were thinking of "taking a break" from your online college classes. I think it's Okay for you to do nothing all day.

I think it's way fair that I work, clean, and go to school Full time. I am never mad that you don;t do the laundry i despise, or that the dishes are still in the sink from last night even though you've been home all day. I love dishes after work. I love it even more when I have homework and kid's homework.

I love the salt bag I bought and had to announce I was doing it myself today so I didn't bust my ass outside, since it was there for 2 days. I thought maybe the maintenance man was going to salt. I hear they get 300 bux off rent for doing that...

I love watching you cram homework in due at 2 am at midnight. Since you had so much else to do during the day.

I love how you mentioned that after this month you were thinking of a part-time job at the local hardware store. (I'm sure they pay 7/hr). Because you had school and mowing to do come spring. I'm sure I made my point clear when I didnt answer and just looked at you.

I am truly blessed! And to think I was angry because "I was told I was too independent".

Shit is hitting the fan tonight. I think I will need a maid in the morning.


I just am so happy I can't stand myself.

Monday, February 16, 2009

My First Tag.....

I’ve been tagged by for a Q and A... So here are the rules...

Step 1: respond and rework -- answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.

Step 2: tag - eight other un-tagged people

1) What are you wearing right now? HaHa! Pink VS sweats, and a grey Old Navy sweat shirt... I'm a diva in the morning! And yes... I drove my lovely daughter to school like this.

2) What is your biggest fear? FAILURE. I usually don't, however it's that constant fear that I will just fall off the earth or something... Someone may one day just say... "You're done, you're just not capable of handling anything." Come to think of it though... Is that a bad thing? No responsibilities Hmmm.

3) Do you nap a lot? NAP? What is that? so, I'm gonna go with NO!

4) Who is the last person you hugged? Umm, I think my boyfriend.

5) What websites to you visit when you go online? Blogger, Myspace, and My school site.

6) What was the last item you bought? Salt. You know the 5.00 bag of crap so I don't bust my ass on the ice stuff.

7) What is the last thing you ate? I had toasted peanut butter and jelly. It's my fast morning meal often.

8) If you woke up tomorrow and were a boy, what is the first thing you would do and why? Oh man... I would totally pee outside and manage to not pee on myself! Because, well it's a luxury I don't have and want!

9) Has a celebrity's hair cut ever influenced your own hairstyle? I once tried for the Hope Brady look from "Days of Our Lives" soap opera. And... NO I looked nothing like her at all!

10) What is your most embarrassing moment? 7th grade... Sitting in business class, standing up with my awesome white jeans with a lovely red spot on the butt. Luckily my friend sat behind me to warn me, and then followed me REAL close to gym class so I could wear my shorts to the office to call home.

11) What was the last movie you watched? I almost watched "Fred Claus". I love Vince Vaughn, however I am the worse movie watcher ever. I always Fall asleep!

12) If you had a whole day to yourself with no work, commitments, or interruptions what would you do? Yes! Well... I'd sleep in, til probably like 3 o'clock. I'd eat ALL day, and I'd read. See.. I don't ask for much here...

13) What is one indulgence that you cannot live without? Oh... My Orange Gatorade. I am obsessed with the stuff. I have enough "electrolytes" for everyone in bloggy land. AND enough sugar as well!

Okay... 8 to tag it is!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Did you ever wanna....QUIT

Okay, so I'm having a moment. Well, maybe a lot of moments lately. Here's the deal, and yep it's going to make me look bad. I'm really not a bad Mom, but, I have my moments. Here's the confession... My kiddo drives me insane. Yep, totally absolutely INSANE. I love her to death but, i don't like her very much. Yep, that's bad huh. How can someone come from ME, be part of ME and act nothing like me. I am NOT absolutely NOT looking forward to the teens. Ashlee is almost 12. 6th grade, Jr. High. She reminds me CONSTANTLY that she's "almost" a teenager.

"Why do I have to go to bed at 8:30, I'm almost a teenager MOM!" (Because you're the worst morning person EVER, and you're 11 hours of sleep is NEEDED for us to not kill each other in the morning).

"Why do you "check" my breath to see if I brushed?" (Because you constantly brush sans toothpaste. Remember the abscess last year? Yep... that's WHY. And WHY would be the big question of why your breath smells like dinner STILL).

"How do you know what homework I have?" (Because I know it ALL. note* Your teacher and I are like BFF now, not because I like to hang out with her or anything though).

'Why Do I have to write sentences for you when I act up?" Because maybe you'll learn. (because you HATE sentences, and it's quiet punishment for me!).

I'm sick of the attitude, the rolling of the eyes, the stomping, arguing, and DRAMA. I hope she's an actress soon... Why else must I endure this crap every day of my life. She is the most dramatic person i know. Last night's conversation...

Her great Grandpa passed away as he never woke-up from surgery. The funeral is Friday. She is missing school Friday to go to the funeral etc a couple hours from here with her Dad. (Dad's family). I wrote a note to get her work she'll miss, and also..(Ashlee is 50 pounds and 3 foot tall. She can't carry all her books. I have most books here as doubles so 1.) she don't carry them. 2.) "I can't do my homework I forgot my book, is VOID now.)
Anyway, she thought I had a Social studies book. (The one I DON'T have) and didn't do her homework worksheet crap. I wrote a note, she can do it tomorrow night (last night). So we get home, gets the homework out.. Ash, Where's your worksheet? "What worksheet?" "The one you had yesterday that NOW I have the book for." " I don't know." (Am I the only one that wishes to THROW this phrase out of every one's vocab?). "Okay, you had it yesterday." "Yes." "And everyone turned those in as it was homework, except you have an awesome Mom who excused you to be late, so you didn't." "Right." ( note... I was asked, "You need to write a note remember like 10 times that morning.") "OK, so where'd it go?" "......." " Did you throw it away?" "No." "Did it jump out of your bag?" "No Mom." "Okay... WHERE IS IT?" "......." " Ashlee, tell me Did you throw it away?" "No." Okay, let me give you a visual. Standing there in front of me shifting foot to foot, not looking at me." LIAR LIAR. "I may have accidentally thrown it away, I cleaned out my bag." "Okay, so I have tests to sign, drawings, homework, papers back, but THAT was thrown away ONLY." "Well, it was due today, and I didn't have it." "I wrote you a note remember, cause you made SURE I did." So, I told her now I have to go IN your school to get a new one. Now I have to look stupid for writing a note that you threw away your extra opportunity. NOW, I'm so mean... I hate her, and I'm just a "kid" I don't know how to act. (This is when i wanted to say a kid? I thought you were a TEEN." So her life is miserable, and she is stressed out because I make her do homework and I check." My favorite part... "Can't you see I'm upset? Do you even care your only child is crying?" And the Oscar tonight goes to Ashlee!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Too Independant? WTF?!

K... So, Warning I'm going to bitch. Hell, I may just have a bitch fest. Right here. I may lose my 2 followers. I am woman after all, so I have that right right? Pull up a chair. Grab a drink and listen, just nod along if you get it. Or, just ignore me. Anyways...

Let me sum it up for you. I'm a single Mom to an 11 yr old. I work, I go to school. I just recently moved in with my boyfriend. I'm trying this life of meshing a kid with a new guy. I know you know how this goes. BUT. BUT. Since when is being independent bad? I pay my own bills. I raise my daughter, besides the weekend "fun-parent". I have a dry-erase board with daily agendas and allowance "points". This works for me. Ash is severe ADHD, and special needs. We thrive this way. It works for us. Is this bad? Maybe I should sum this up.

Ash is a lot to handle. I deal with it. One, she is my kid. 2) I am Mom. Therefore I don't have that choice but to deal with it. Well, I guess I do, however, I'm NOT that leave a baby in your trash kinda Mom. 3) I love her. I want to be married. I want the career, home-life, no struggles kinda life. I was married. I was the marry your high school sweetheart. How sweet huh. Umm NO. Party party party. Ooops your pregnant. Ooops you live in a trailer park and are trying to be the only non-white trash people in this hick town. Ooops, you bust your ass in college at 24 and get a really good job. Ooops, hubby has no direction, delivers pizza and is content. Ooops your SO NOT. Crazy hours, no sleep , figuring out college is hard as hell, and Mom ain't paying my rent. Yep, I do it alone, and I hate it, but... It's my choice. I could sit home. I could have babies and babies and babies and live off the state. Nope, I'm working. I'm going to school. Yep, my bills are paid. Yep, I am CRAZY busy. Then I get a boyfriend. Then I deal with Ashlee. Then I move him in. Now, I have more craziness. But... WHO says your too independent? For months, I mean months. I was told you and baby daddy (who I'll now refer to BD) needs to "get along". So... we got along. AFTER new boyfriend decides to adventure to BD's work to tell him to calm down, stop his BS and grow-up. NOW, "Maybe i should go back to him". Now, maybe I should not be so nice. Now, maybe i should talk to bF more than BD. Really? How many times does one need to say I paid 1500 to Get out. First you want me to get along. Now, I am too nice? Then, I don't open up. I work, i go to school. I'm fucking stressed. I'm simple. I don't need any other big words to describe it here. But, I'm shutting him out. (BF that is). I'm too independent. Who complains of that? Oh no, Mom has her shit together. That's bad. Let me add some examples...

1). BD's grandpa ( Ashlee's Gpa note* is in the hospital). Ashlee was left here this weekend instead of going to Dad's. Gpa is in a coma, and is on life support where there waiting to pull the plug. I was awaiting updates. I called BD and asked after not hearing from him last night. BF, is thinking... Why are you checking in with him. Ummm.... really?

2.) BF gets some art projects to do. (read here... Amy IS NOT crafty. Whatever gene that is MISSED me). I didn't try to put a 88393030 piece puzzle model together with Ash and BF, because I suck. Therefore, I didn't care to try and have family time.

3.) It's Saturday. There's dishes in the sink 2 days. 2 loads of laundry. There's a broken TV sitting for 2 weeks behind my couch. There's kitchen deco falling down in my kitchen with a brand new tube of liquid nails to fix it beside it. BF, is going to go fix his friend's wall. I don't give a shit about his friend's wall. I give a shit about MY wall. I'm now mad. Now, I know your going well... yeah, obviously. Let me say why the ABOVE is here. Because, I am too independent and should let it sit, because I do everything and if i left it there he'd do it. (That's why it's like that right?) 2 days, and me driven insane with my need to have it done, because He's gonna do it. BUT, his friend's wall has to be done. WHY AM I MAD? A better question is why are you even asking me that? Do I need to explain why I am mad that you are leaving to fix a wall? REALLY? Fast forward... the dishes and laundry are done. He stayed home. I did the dishes and laundry. Damn, I must still be independent.

I don't understand men. I am simple. Why is this so complicated?

Thursday, February 5, 2009


So... We needed a new bed. Someone told me to go to IKEA. Yeah. I like warehouses. I like Cosco, Sam's club etc. HOWEVER... What IS this place? We walk in ( With a it's almost dinner time, hyper child). The "Greeter" stood there smiling. "You've never been here?" OH..... She proceeds with the map and little Putt-Putt golf pencil. I'm adverting my attention wondering how badly DH now regrets admitting that were IKEA virgins. You know those REALLY happy morning people you run into every once in awhile, the ones you wish to slap. Yep that's the IKEA greeter at 6pm. She gives a run down of how to shop, what to write down, where to eat... how to find something, and even how every little thing is in it's own little box. Besides the freaky TV show-like house sets except everything is branded with a price tag, there is literally a million of everything. Spatulas to Wine coolers. EVERYTHING. I can't even find a bed. I am literally confused as to what price tag is to what. I gave up on the bed. Your blocked in. There are rooms, and halls, and walls. You can't leave. It's like a deco maze. At this point Ash is yelling, touching everything and has became the sole navigator in leading us out of IKEA hell. "Get ready to say , Thank You Ash for getting us out!" After 20 more minutes of following Ash... (not to mention WHY are we agreeing to follow Ash as if she knows how to leave ) Ash finds that she has navigated the snack bar with the damn cinnamon rolls in which the happy greeter informed an 11 year old of at the beginning. (Who does this? She obviousally has no children) We end up finally at the "start" with the smiling greeter, who my DH hands back the map and little pencil. "Oh, you just loved it didn't you?" "No, I got lost, I have a headache and we are NOT coming back toting a child AGAIN;" She of course smiled. (I'm thinking... these people locked her in this damn place, and she's delirious with happiness perhaps? I dunno).

Long story short... We went to a small mattress store today, and bought a bed. Easy. Done. And IKEA can now rank right up there with Walmart in my book.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Groundhog day

What's with groundhog day? Someone drags a hibernating furry animal out of his hole to wake him up in front of a million people to see if he sees his shadow. Now... for one, this does not work. Two, I am not getting out of bed to go see a animal dug out of his home. Here's some ideas of mine which may make some since or none? I don't know but, it's my blog right?

1. I think we should all gather on these "handlers" yard and wake them. Just yell "SORRY just wanted to know the weather!"

2. I think "Phil" should move. Wouldn't that be funny. Dig him up and he's not there.

3. I think "Phil" should bite. I would find it amusing to see these men dressed in their top hats just get viciously attacked by Phil. If I were a groundhog, I'd be ticked off you woke me up. Not only woke me up, but in front of millions of people.

Now... Who are these people who wait in line to see this event? Do you? Please let me know, and while you at it let me know WHY? WHY do you wake-up to disturb a animal? Why is this on your ideas of fun? I really want to know how you come to the conclusion of, I think I'll get up at the crack of dawn to watch a groundhog. When the sun shone through your window this morning did you have a shadow? If so... that should be enough. But, hey maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps there is some deep rooted enjoyment I'm missing. After all, all I got was house duties to do today. I saw the frost on my car windows and the cat hair in the sun beams. Why do i need a groundhog?