Too Independant? WTF?!

K... So, Warning I'm going to bitch. Hell, I may just have a bitch fest. Right here. I may lose my 2 followers. I am woman after all, so I have that right right? Pull up a chair. Grab a drink and listen, just nod along if you get it. Or, just ignore me. Anyways...

Let me sum it up for you. I'm a single Mom to an 11 yr old. I work, I go to school. I just recently moved in with my boyfriend. I'm trying this life of meshing a kid with a new guy. I know you know how this goes. BUT. BUT. Since when is being independent bad? I pay my own bills. I raise my daughter, besides the weekend "fun-parent". I have a dry-erase board with daily agendas and allowance "points". This works for me. Ash is severe ADHD, and special needs. We thrive this way. It works for us. Is this bad? Maybe I should sum this up.

Ash is a lot to handle. I deal with it. One, she is my kid. 2) I am Mom. Therefore I don't have that choice but to deal with it. Well, I guess I do, however, I'm NOT that leave a baby in your trash kinda Mom. 3) I love her. I want to be married. I want the career, home-life, no struggles kinda life. I was married. I was the marry your high school sweetheart. How sweet huh. Umm NO. Party party party. Ooops your pregnant. Ooops you live in a trailer park and are trying to be the only non-white trash people in this hick town. Ooops, you bust your ass in college at 24 and get a really good job. Ooops, hubby has no direction, delivers pizza and is content. Ooops your SO NOT. Crazy hours, no sleep , figuring out college is hard as hell, and Mom ain't paying my rent. Yep, I do it alone, and I hate it, but... It's my choice. I could sit home. I could have babies and babies and babies and live off the state. Nope, I'm working. I'm going to school. Yep, my bills are paid. Yep, I am CRAZY busy. Then I get a boyfriend. Then I deal with Ashlee. Then I move him in. Now, I have more craziness. But... WHO says your too independent? For months, I mean months. I was told you and baby daddy (who I'll now refer to BD) needs to "get along". So... we got along. AFTER new boyfriend decides to adventure to BD's work to tell him to calm down, stop his BS and grow-up. NOW, "Maybe i should go back to him". Now, maybe I should not be so nice. Now, maybe i should talk to bF more than BD. Really? How many times does one need to say I paid 1500 to Get out. First you want me to get along. Now, I am too nice? Then, I don't open up. I work, i go to school. I'm fucking stressed. I'm simple. I don't need any other big words to describe it here. But, I'm shutting him out. (BF that is). I'm too independent. Who complains of that? Oh no, Mom has her shit together. That's bad. Let me add some examples...

1). BD's grandpa ( Ashlee's Gpa note* is in the hospital). Ashlee was left here this weekend instead of going to Dad's. Gpa is in a coma, and is on life support where there waiting to pull the plug. I was awaiting updates. I called BD and asked after not hearing from him last night. BF, is thinking... Why are you checking in with him. Ummm.... really?

2.) BF gets some art projects to do. (read here... Amy IS NOT crafty. Whatever gene that is MISSED me). I didn't try to put a 88393030 piece puzzle model together with Ash and BF, because I suck. Therefore, I didn't care to try and have family time.

3.) It's Saturday. There's dishes in the sink 2 days. 2 loads of laundry. There's a broken TV sitting for 2 weeks behind my couch. There's kitchen deco falling down in my kitchen with a brand new tube of liquid nails to fix it beside it. BF, is going to go fix his friend's wall. I don't give a shit about his friend's wall. I give a shit about MY wall. I'm now mad. Now, I know your going well... yeah, obviously. Let me say why the ABOVE is here. Because, I am too independent and should let it sit, because I do everything and if i left it there he'd do it. (That's why it's like that right?) 2 days, and me driven insane with my need to have it done, because He's gonna do it. BUT, his friend's wall has to be done. WHY AM I MAD? A better question is why are you even asking me that? Do I need to explain why I am mad that you are leaving to fix a wall? REALLY? Fast forward... the dishes and laundry are done. He stayed home. I did the dishes and laundry. Damn, I must still be independent.

I don't understand men. I am simple. Why is this so complicated?