IKEA Hell

So... We needed a new bed. Someone told me to go to IKEA. Yeah. I like warehouses. I like Cosco, Sam's club etc. HOWEVER... What IS this place? We walk in ( With a it's almost dinner time, hyper child). The "Greeter" stood there smiling. "You've never been here?" OH..... She proceeds with the map and little Putt-Putt golf pencil. I'm adverting my attention wondering how badly DH now regrets admitting that were IKEA virgins. You know those REALLY happy morning people you run into every once in awhile, the ones you wish to slap. Yep that's the IKEA greeter at 6pm. She gives a run down of how to shop, what to write down, where to eat... how to find something, and even how every little thing is in it's own little box. Besides the freaky TV show-like house sets except everything is branded with a price tag, there is literally a million of everything. Spatulas to Wine coolers. EVERYTHING. I can't even find a bed. I am literally confused as to what price tag is to what. I gave up on the bed. Your blocked in. There are rooms, and halls, and walls. You can't leave. It's like a deco maze. At this point Ash is yelling, touching everything and has became the sole navigator in leading us out of IKEA hell. "Get ready to say , Thank You Ash for getting us out!" After 20 more minutes of following Ash... (not to mention WHY are we agreeing to follow Ash as if she knows how to leave ) Ash finds that she has navigated the snack bar with the damn cinnamon rolls in which the happy greeter informed an 11 year old of at the beginning. (Who does this? She obviousally has no children) We end up finally at the "start" with the smiling greeter, who my DH hands back the map and little pencil. "Oh, you just loved it didn't you?" "No, I got lost, I have a headache and we are NOT coming back toting a child AGAIN;" She of course smiled. (I'm thinking... these people locked her in this damn place, and she's delirious with happiness perhaps? I dunno).

Long story short... We went to a small mattress store today, and bought a bed. Easy. Done. And IKEA can now rank right up there with Walmart in my book.